A new post in my vulnerability series is due. And yet, I came to today and knew I couldn’t write it.
I’ve had a rough time recently. First I came to the realization that I can’t live up to everyone’s expectations or meet every need I see. The most succinct way I can think to put it is that I reached then end of myself.
When I came to that conclusion, I thought, “It’s okay, I’ll just go to God for strength. He promises to give strength to the weary and increase the power of the weak.”
But by this point, my spiritual life felt like a wilderness. I would wake up to spend time with Him in the morning – no earlier than usual – and yet I would desire nothing but to doze back off and sleep another hour or three. I would come to passages that have breathed life into me over and over, and only see letters. I would try to feel them, but I couldn’t.
First I failed in the physical realm, now I’m failing in the spiritual.
So I came to today and knew I couldn’t write a post about biblical vulnerability – not when I can’t feel the weight of its glorious part in God’s design.
First I need a revival in my own life. Then perhaps, by God’s grace, I might possibly be able to write something that might encourage others and honor Him.
This morning I looked up “revival” in the concordance of my Bible:
You, Lord, showed favor to your land;
you restored the fortunes of Jacob.
You forgave the iniquity of your people
and covered all their sins.
You set aside all your wrath
and turned from your fierce anger.
Restore us again, God our Savior,
and put away your displeasure toward us.
Will you be angry with us forever?
Will you prolong your anger through all generations?
Will you not revive us again,
that your people may rejoice in you?
Show us your unfailing love, Lord,
and grant us your salvation.
I will listen to what God the Lord says;
he promises peace to his people, his faithful servants—
but let them not turn to folly.
Surely his salvation is near those who fear him,
that his glory may dwell in our land.
Love and faithfulness meet together;
righteousness and peace kiss each other.
Faithfulness springs forth from the earth,
and righteousness looks down from heaven.
The Lord will indeed give what is good,
and our land will yield its harvest.
Righteousness goes before him
and prepares the way for his steps.
This is a strange place to end. I just don’t feel like I can go any further. I’ll let God speak truth into my own life (as I believe He’s begun to do today) before I pretend I have any special insights to offer.
Can you remember a time when – as a born-again believer – you felt separated from God and callous toward the glory of the gospel? Please encourage me with how God showed His faithfulness yet again and pulled you through.