It Didn’t Feel Like a Step of Faith

Before I get on with today’s thoughts, I owe my faithful readers an apology. It’s been upward of two weeks since my last post and my routine over the last three months has been haphazard and unpredictable.

Now that I’m back from my Japan trip, I expect that – with regards to my posting habits – I’ll get into something more worthy to be called a “routine”. I presume that it will take some time given that this is still a new season of my life and I have all sorts of norms yet to establish. But I have hope!

Now that that’s settled, I want to share something directly from my experience in Japan.


NOTE: I also wrote a guest post for the official Torchbearers Japan website featuring three other takeaways from my experience.


During the months prior to my departure, I asked myself over and over whether or not it was God’s will for me to go. Yes, I was going to volunteer at a Bible school/Christian retreat center. Such an aspiration sounds like something that would doubtlessly please God. On the other hand, I had my own selfish reasons for wanting to go back; it’s an environment where I knew I would feel loved and cared-for. My motives felt anything but clear.

I wished I could be certain that I was about to do the right thing.

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In the middle of all the searching and wondering, I probably considered that I would have to decide one way or the other without having the clear revelation from God that I so desired. Some might call it a step of faith.

A few friends and family members commented that they knew I was doing what God wanted. I wondered how they could be so sure when I was so unsure. Or maybe they were saying it because it’s what they thought they were supposed to say.

In any case, I followed through with what I had begun. I signed the agreement, packed my suitcase and parted with my family at the airport.

My reunion with dear friends on the other side was sweet. Even weeks into my time at Torchbearers Japan, it was hard to grasp that I was back at a place I had first come to love two-and-a-half years ago. I felt it was a great privilege.

But I still wished I could be certain that I was doing the right thing.

It wasn’t until I shared these feelings with my friend, the director’s wife, that I had a piece of assurance I felt I could rely on. She expressed how timely my arrival was for her personally and stressed God’s perfect timing. In doing so she put my doubts to rest. Thus, weeks into my service at Torchbearers Japan, I finally felt the assurance that I had – by God’s grace – chosen well in going to the retreat center.

Looking back, I can’t pinpoint the moment that I made the decision to go. There was nothing great about it and it sure didn’t feel heroic. It didn’t exactly feel like a step of doubt, either, but it was certainly full of wondering and uncertainty.

Or perhaps that’s what a step of faith is, after all. Perhaps it never does feel full of faith. Maybe doubts are characteristic of it. Maybe it’s about trusting that God is the perfect communicator and will stop us in our tracks if we need to be turned around. Or trusting that if He allows us to make a mistake, then He can redeem our poor choices in His own way because He is faithful.

Now the discussion

  • What does it mean to take a step of faith?
  • Have you ever taken such a step? How did it feel?
  • In hindside, would you have made the same choice?
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8 thoughts on “It Didn’t Feel Like a Step of Faith

  1. Hi Jordan! I just popped over here to thank you for following my blog, Reveries. I hope you enjoy the posts; I put a lot of work into them. 🙂

    While I’m here, I’m going to answer the discussion questions, because … I just like answering questions.

    • What does it mean to take a step of faith?: I think it means to walk without seeing but know that God will guide you … I think? Or to maybe not be 100% sure He’ll be there, but stepping anyway. That would probably be a weaker step of faith though … okay, maybe not. I’m honestly not sure.
    • Have you ever taken such a step? How did it feel?: I don’t think so. My experiences have been pretty limited. Everything I do doesn’t seem to be heavily influenced by God (even though I know it is).
    • In hindside, would you have made the same choice?: this one isn’t really applicable, but I’d hope so!

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    1. Hi Kellyn! How lovely to “meet” you! Thank you for coming over to check out my blog and for leaving your thoughts for my interactive pleasure. I don’t want my blogging to for the sole intent of reader interaction, but I don’t deny that I love it!

      Yeah, I kind of found too that, as I wrote my post, my understanding of the “step of faith” was more confused than I had thought (hence the last paragraph, which wasn’t part of the plan).

      The thing that you said about not being 100% sure that God will be there – it got me thinking. I mean, in my head and being a born again believer, I can always be 100% sure of His presence. I’ve read it over and over in His Word and I know it to be true. But that assurance doesn’t always translate to my *heart* and hence I find that I’m not always 100% sure, after all. So I think there are times when I have to act based on what I know to be true from reading His Word, even if I don’t feel it. Is that what you’re saying? Would you relate?

      Anyway, I’ll call it quits before I turn this into a novelette. I too hope that I will enjoy your posts, especially given the amount of work you put into them. I’m looking forward to seeing you around more, whether on your blog or mine or both.

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  2. Oh Jordy! I’ve had this post sitting open in a tab for a few days now, trying to get my thoughts into words in the comment box. I relate to what you have written here – every part of it, it seems. I too felt like I received no clear indication of whether it was God’s will for me to go away, I had people so excited for me, and I had some selfish reasons also. I felt like God was calling me, but there were times I wasn’t sure. I know you know what I mean. 🙂

    I’m glad you were able to receive assurance that it was God’s will for you to go to Japan! I can see it was a growing experience for you (yes, I read your guest post!), and it sounds like you were able to be a blessing to the director’s family.

    Until I read this post, I’d never thought of ‘a step of faith’ in that way. I always thought a step of faith was when you knew God was calling, but the way wasn’t clear. The step of faith is following in obedience, trusting God will open the way. I’m sure that’s one sort of step of faith, but what you’ve outlined here kind of hit me when I read it, because that’s what I experienced too. And I want to say thank-you for that, because it’s really encouraging – to think that my doubts didn’t stop God’s plan, but rather were part of the growing experience..

    So, thanks for this post, Jordy. I really appreciated it, and it’s nice to read of experiences and lessons learned while you were away. Blessings on this next season of your life! 🙂

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    1. Jessica, your messages are some of the most raw, genuine and encouraging ones I receive. I praise God that He uses you to bless me – and if me, then probably others, as well. I also praise Him for the way He works in our lives so as to teach us similar things at the same time. It’s so special to learn from Him through each other and to grow together. The way that He works is truly mindblowing and to His praise and glory.

      I had thought the same thing as you about what a step of faith is – though I doubt I could have articulated it so clearly. That’s why following through with the trip didn’t feel like such a step. In a way, it seems like my understanding of the idea is more foggy now than before. But if it pleased God to use my incomplete ramblings to encourage you, then let’s praise Him again!

      Did you ever receive any assurance during or following your canvassing trip that it was indeed God’s will for you to go? Or perhaps it was an area where He gave you freedom to choose and would have used that time – no matter how you spent it. Either way, I pray that you have peace about it now. You say that God used your doubts as part of the growing experience, which is definitely worth praising Him for.

      Thank you for your words and blessings, friend.

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      1. Yes, while I was there I felt assurance. The whole thing was a positive experience personally, and it was amazing to see God work in other people’s lives. And to see Him use me to reach people is.. like unbelievable. Since coming back it’s been a bit challenging, slipping back into old habits, etc. But I just have to keep reminding myself of the things He’s taught me, and purpose to live differently now. It’s harder to find ways to reach out, and that’s what I’m really missing. But that shouldn’t stop me.

        Thanks for your encouragement, Jordy. I appreciate it a lot – and I’m so blessed by your posts, including the ones I don’t comment on. 🙂

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      2. I’m glad to hear it (with regards to both points). Praise God! And I trust that He’ll reveal ways that you can reach out as you grow in relationship with Him. ❤

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